What Charlie says, and what I feel about it
I haven´t updated since uni began, and I´m really sorry about that. I just needed time to get used to everything, to figure out how to study, what to do, who to turn to. And before I knew I had to enrol for my exams, and they will be in just 4 weeks time! I should actually study right now, but I took the day off today. You just can´t study every day all day long, especially when you actually only have like three lectures.
But, I wanted to talk about other stuff (uni already dominates too much off my life).
Yesterday I watched this video by my favourite youtuber, Charlie McDonnell.
JUST A WARNING:
This whole entry is more like a comment on the whole video and to Charlie. I just had to write down my thoughts on it, but I´m not good on keeping it short and just comment on the video like this. I´m a blogger, I use more than 140 characters.
I noticed that Charlie didn´t upload as many videos as before recently, but I thought it was okay, given that he seems to work really hard on his videos to make them as perfect as can be for his millions of viewers. He is talented, and when he releases a new video I save it and watch it as a treat (This is how I make myself study properly - even for my Foundation Course...).
It made me really sad. What he said, I mean. I can completely understand what he means, as I myself feel the same all the time.
I want to be liked by people. Everyone does, especially teenagers and young adults are constantly afraid of not being liked by their peers. I thought I overcame this fear when I spent that one year in London, where there were people who actually liked me for who I am, where I was never afraid of being myself and sharing my thoughts. But after I came back, I started again where I intended to end a year before, and I just don´t know why.
Of course, everyone says "Be yourself, do what you want and ignore them!", but that´s easier said than done. I tried it, I still try it, but I can´t help the feeling that I have to change before other people will like me, and I just don´t want to be alone again.
Simon said to me a while ago: "When I was as young as you I too worried about what others thought of me, but the older you get, the less you care. You have to grow out of it."
Well, that´s not really encouraging, but that is exactly what I would like to tell Charlie, and all the other people who feel like this.
Charlie, you say that you want be the person you were before, that you are scared that we won´t like your videos anymore, that all you ever wanted was to make people happy.
When my friend sent me some of her favourite videos from you ("What, you don´t know Charlie??! I´ll send you some of my favourites!") I was instantly hooked. I spent whole days watching your videos, and got more and more interested in the whole youtube world. You made some of the most hilarious and most thoughtful videos I saw up until now, and I got inspried to do my own videos (well, their not uploaded now, but I´m working on them). I sometimes think we made the same kinds of experiences in our lifes, and it makes me feel sad and relieved at the same time.
Gosh, that sounds so cheesy! In the end, I just don´t know how to properly put into words how much I love your videos and how much they inspired me! (And I think I owe Viki a thousand thank for pointing out your channel to me...)
Just keep going! Maybe you can´t return to the "Old Charlie", but that´s just growing up, isn´t it? You will maybe make different stuff, or not, I don´t now, but you will always be Charlie McDonnell and, for me, your videos will be the highlight of my day. And I´m certain I´m not the only thinking that. And fuck the ones who don´t. They are not worth the effort.
Actually there is so much more that I could write about this, but it just makes me sad thinking about it. Maybe another time.